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Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Right...One Meal At A Time!

Well then fine...one meal at a time it is! This morning I had a Fiber One bar...good right? Then for lunch, well... A vendor of ours at work bought my department lunch today. I had grilled chicken, mushrooms and spinach in a rich, creamy, buttery sauce over pasta. So I think that went um...well it went. Then for dinner tonight Ryan and I picked up Brendan and ate at Chick Fil-A. BUT, here's the deal...I only ate a few bites of the sandwich and a few fries. I normally would have eaten the entire thing including the fries Brendan didn't eat. (Have you ever had those waffle fries? OMG! Heaven!) So overall I probably should have left out the pasta and had a salad for dinner, but well, better luck next time. ONE MEAL AT A TIME! Oh yeah, I almost forgot...we went to Starbucks afterwards and I didn't have ANYTHING there...that's right not a thing! Are you proud now? Well you should be! Tomorrow's a new day. I'll be bringing my steam bag with my chicken and veggies! Maybe I'll doctor it up a bit more this time!





Monday, April 28, 2008

One MEAL at a time...

So, I wanted to address this issue because I struggle everyday with choosing the right thing to eat, everytime I wanna eat. And Mrs. Buttercream just wrote how she is discouraged. Here's the thing...putting on weight, for most of us is, is as easy as one day of pigging out. There are the some who have trouble keeping weight on, and how we envy them! But whatever your struggle is, it's a struggle, and this is ours. However, taking off the weight is just not gonna happen thanks to one good meal, or in the blink of an eye...where is I Dream Of Jeannie when we need her? If I had a spell that I could cast to do it, I'd a had done cast it! And even then, when I say those things, if you read anything ever about Wicca, it's about believing in something you want, and asking the world to help you achieve it through your own "white light." It's not about changing something, or manipulatiing someone else, it's about changing you and your thinking. (ok, another subject for a different blog, a different page, a different world. LOL)

Mrs., if you could take the time to look at it as one meal at a time, it may not be so bad. For instance: I wrote on here last time how much I wanted pizza. One phone call, no effort, and it would have been here. But I thought about how I'd feel if I did it, I thought about the consequences. So I told myself, "it's 4pm, let me eat something healthy, I can feel proud of myself for, and then if I'm not satisfied, I'm ordering pizza later tonght." I ate the healthy choice, and then I was full, and thought, "good, no pizza. I feel good about myself, and my body will be happy, and I will be happy come tomorrow."

When I tell myself that I'm gonna go the whole day without sugar, it seems daunting and overwhelming. I hate that feeling, and then all I want is sugar, sugar, sugar!!! Every morning when I wake up, the first thing on my mind is food, what will I eat? And I think what am I craving, and how can I satisfy it and still do it healthy? That way if I mess up later, at least I ate one good meal. Then, when the next meal comes I think, well I ate good this morning, do I wanna blow today by eating a bad lunch? And then on, and on, like a domino effect. Then hopefully you make it through the day, three days, a week. And then the best motivation is how you feel about yourself, physically and mentally! Don't underestimate the feeling of you being proud of yourself whether your scale reflects it or not! The feeling of having more energy, your clothes fitting just a little bit better, the satisfaction of knowing you are doing something for you!

And some meals you will blow it, but it doesn't mean you go, "well I already ate that, screw today." So you had the meal that was bad for you, but yummy. Make up for it now, by staying on track the rest of the day.

I did my gig over this last weekend, so no, I didn't blog either. But let me tell you this part...I walked in to it feeling good having lost my ten+ pounds. I felt lighter, and happy. And then the reactions I got were so wonderful, that I left thinking how much I wanna keep it up. To hear all the compliments, it was pure motivation. I hopped on the scale this morning, and it's actually finally at the 15 pound mark, so do I wanna blow that now? NO! So what I'm trying to say is, little by little, the small accomplishments accumulate to one bigger one, and that will keep you going. But it's the first hurdle you have to get to so that you can make it to the next one. It's slow. I may have passed you, Lis, but it's taken me two months to get to 15 lbs. And really, it's taken me a year to get here. I woke up everyday saying I need to lose the 20, I need to lose the 20... But when I realized I was going to have surgery, I thought, this is it, this is my chance to take advantage of making my body better all around. It was my next "click." So I eat better while I'm recovering. And every meal, I think, what's gonna be healthy and satisfying, and full of flavor, so I don't want to eat the bad choice? But I also bought a cupcake over this weekend so I could eat the frosting off of it. :)

Get creative, too. Have little treats you can look forward to. I love buying the little jellos and I top them with whip cream. Not sugar free whip cream, or anything non fat. Real whip cream from the can. It's my treat. But it's not over the top. I eat a piece of dark chocolate some days. Picking all the low/no fat/sugar free stuff for everything isn't as good. A little of the real stuff goes a long way, it's more satisfing. But be reasonable. Drink some hot chocolate with a couple marshmallows or whip cream on it. Best creamy dessert - ricotta cheese with cocoa powder, and splenda, little whip cream on top. Cottage cheese with your favorite fruit. Use real cheese for full flavor, just less. It's gonna give you the flavor you're looking for. When I made my fritatta, I used six eggs, but only three of the yolks, and I used a nice sharp white cheddar cheese, cuz it's strong, and I can use less of it, but still get a full flavor. Use your zip-n-steam bag, and put in some parmesean; or do a little soy with splenda and sesame seeds, and a splash sesame oil. It's like terriyaki! Toss in pineapple! And if you have time, brine your chicken overnight before you take it to work: a big bowl, fill with water, squeeze in a whole lemon, and toss the lemon in too, salt and real sugar if you want, or splenda, and an herb flavor - bay leaf, frresh rosemary, thyme, whatever. (think oranges too, not always lemon). Flavors your whole piece of chicken, and keeps it moist. Marinate it in soy the night before. So many things to do get the flavors your craving!

Ok, I've talked enough! Call me for more ideas. :) You can do this!

Discouraged...

Ok, Ok...I'm sorry I haven't wrote in a few days. I'm just so ashamed of myself. I haven't stuck to my diet...healthy eating...life change...new me...blah blah blah, at all and I just don't want to tell anyone. I could lie and write about all the healthy, wonderful foods I've discovered. I could tell everyone I've already lost 10 pounds but that would defeat the purpose of this blog. What good is this blog if I'm still not accountable to anyone and I don't make any progress. In that case I could just take up knitting and not have to come up with things to say, exept to myself. I see all these people on line and their blogs about how they've done such great things with weight loss and I feel like such a looser! Even my blog partner is passing me right up and is doing great! (I'm proud of you Olivia) I see people everywhere I go who are in shape and look great and it makes me feel so lousy! AND, to add to my feelings of ugliness, I'm getting some serious wrinkles around my eyes! SCREAM!!!!!!!!!!! WHY CAN'T I GET CONTROL OF THIS? I feel SO fat and ugly. Yes, I know Skinny Mini...It just has to click, I know, I know...

Today is Monday and I usually do pretty good on Mondays. Today for lunch I had some chicken and veggies. Fatty Patty told me about these microwave steam bags and I thought I'd give them a try. It was so easy and tasted really good! I added a chicken breast, some sliced zuchinni and squash, a dash of salt and pepper and that's it. You seal the bag, put it in the microwave for 5 minutes and it's done! The chicken is cooked, the veggies are perfect, and it tastes pretty good too! If anyone has any recipes for these steam bags please let me know!

Well...I'm off to the grocery store to try, try again...

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Men

Today's subject is PIGS, or as the above title, AKA, Men. I'm tired of them. I'm tired of the way they are and the way they think, and their immature, crippled, childlike way of thinking. I'm tired of how they always are waiting for the "something better," as if they have something better to offer. They don't. Today's men, especially around my age, are so stuck in not wanting to grow up. Time to take down your sports team paraphernalia, your random pieces of furniture you picked up on the side of the road, or your older sister gave you, and time to wash the cover you have over your futon...IT STINKS!

You may be thinking, what does this have to do with food. Well, I'll tell you. I've had an epiphany. I can't tell you how many times I meet the boy and get all giddy and butterflies in my tummy, and can barely eat, and am so motivated to eat healthy because I wanna look good, and I don't wanna be a pig on the date, etc., and then go to all my comfort foods when I realize this is going nowhere, he's an idiot, or worse, he stops calling, and I can't figure out why...no warning, no reason, just fell off the face of the Earth. Well, no more. I'm sure you can relate. And if you can't, I'm thrilled you've found the exception to the rule. Hold on to him.

Recently I've had two experiences that fit into the above descriptions, and although I was disappointed, I realized that turning to my comfort of eating will not make me feel better, but sticking to my plan will. And if they ever see me again, they will see how happy I am, and how good I look. No loss here, and I'm not gonna let it push me into a place where I feel worse about myself. You're already left questioning, "was it something I did?" I don't want to add to it, "why did I eat that?" I'm not giving someone that much power over me. And the best "revenge" is living a sweet life. And I've got that. So thanks for the memories...and the lessons. Moving on.


Even THEY get it...a little!

Go Rockets!

Monday night Ryan and I went to the Rockets game! As anyone knows when you walk through the lobby of a stadium like the Toyota Center or any sporting event for that matter, the smells that hit you at the door can only be described as heaven! But I am NOT going to go into detail because I'm trying to be good and talking in detail about food will make me want to go right out and get it! So...I will leave you with this picture of me and the hot dog I had to eat. I HAD TO! But what did I get for my momentary lapse of judgement...sickness. I was sick...are you HAPPY NOW? By the way the Rockets lost 90 - 84. Whatever...


Today I started a food journal...because blogging about it just isn't enough! I'm writing down everything I eat. (Hopefully I won't get writers cramp) I guess the idea is to take a look at everything you eat so that you'll stop and say, wow...I ate all that? I'm including as much info about what I eat as possible. Calories, Fat and Carbs...etc. Hopefully this will work and I'll become more aware of what I'm eating!

Monday, April 21, 2008

Losing my momentum

Well, my house arrest sentence is getting to me. I knew it was wrong to embezzle that money, but I was so high at the time, I wasn't thinking straight. Ok JUST KIDDING!

I am referring to being on mostly bed rest and not being able to drive much because of the medicines I'm on, etc, since surgery. It's a slow process, just like losing weight. I need to accept that. But it is wearing on me. I haven't felt like blogging. I haven't felt like eating, and I haven't felt like cooking.

Today I did make a broccoli and zucchini frittata. I feel like I'm not eating anything sound and healthy. I need some veggies in my life! :) Oh! I just remembered that I got those new steam in the bag pouches of broccoli and brussel sprouts! Yum! I'm gonna make some. But the temptation to just call and have a pizza delivered is starting to consume me. And sure, I could order it, have a slice or two, and be done. But if the rest of it is here, it will be calling me name until it's gone. "Olivia...Olivia." In fact, I think the pizza place itself is starting to call my name. Well, I'll do this: if I don't have to pee before 8pm tonight, then that's my sign I don't need the pizza. But If I do have to pee, then that's the spirits telling me I should get the pizza and calm the craving. There! Problem solved, and quite logically at that.

Dry Roasted Edamame

The first time I ever had edamame was with my good friends Olivia, Roy and Zack at this great Sushi place in Sacramento. Once I got the hang of opening the pod up without sending little edamame's flying everywhere I really like it! I have actually bought the packages of frozen edamame to eat at home. Good stuff! Well last night I bought some dry roasted edamame. I thought it would be a great snack during the day at work. (Olivia are you looking at this picture? Can you see why I might not be happy with my purchace?) People let me tell you why this was not a good idea...in a word...WASABI!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG the moment that little edamame touched my tounge I realized my mistake! Why oh Why didn't I grab the bag that said, Lightly Salted? My body felt paralized for a split second. It was not a taste that should be in my mouth! During the time I blacked out I must have touched my face with some of the Wasabi flavoring because in those spots my face is burning!!! It feels like I put little dolops of some kind of crazy lip plumper all over the bottom half of my face! It burns!

Now...I really think the regular dry roasted will be good for me. I'm not slamming this product all together! I will buy the correct ones next time because this stuff is "a great source of soy protein, containing all 8 essential amino acids and adds no cholesteraol or trans-fats to your diet. Just one serving provides you with 14 grams of soy protein and only 2 net carbs." I'm pretty sure that's good, right?

"I love healthy food, I love healthy food, I love..."

Well it's Monday again. Ugh...

Ryan and I went to the grocery store last night to stock up for the week. While shopping I felt confused and a little irritated because I just don't know how to eat healthy! I have no idea what food choices to make!! What to buy... Low carb? Low fat? Low in this...high in that??? I called Fatty Patty at least 5 times with questions. "What was that fiber bar again? Is this the right brand? Are you serious? But that has 50 grams of carbs!!!" What do I do?

I think because my hormones are so out of control, thanks to PCOD, that I'm not thinking like a normal person. I think I'll be back on birth control soon and that will help. But anyways...I'm so emotional. One second I'm the loving wife I should be and the next I'm irritated because it's taking Ryan too long to get out a sentence. (Everyone say a little prayer that I'm still married this time next year) When I'm feeling this way all I really want to make it better is a hot fudge brownie with vanilla ice cream, or a big, heavenly Whataburger sent down from glory! WHY? Why can't running a mile make me feel the way food does? How can I change this?

I've started telling myself when I eat "healthy" that I actually like it. I think I've convinced myself that I like fish tacos, which is what's on the menu for dinner tonight! Ryan laid out some fish to grill and I bought some corn tortilla's last night. I'll cut up some cabbage and make this sauce that FP told me about the other day and have myself a healthy little dinner that I actually like! Yippee!

I think if after a few weeks of telling myself I'm in love with healthy foods doesn't work I might try hypnosis! Has anyone ever tried this for weight loss?

My step-son was with us this weekend. We have him the standard 1st, 3rd, and 5th Friday weekends of the month, including whichever holidays are ours for that year. We are going to start picking him up on Tuesday nights for dinner which will be a challenge for eating healthy because all the places he likes to go have a huge playground sitting out front! I'll have to learn what to eat and what not to eat! Does McDonalds have fish taco's? Ryan took Brendan to the park to fly a kite they bought over the weekend. Ryan said Brendan did all the work...all the running to get it up in the air. Yeah, a kite on a stick that I could just hold up in the air would be more my speed...I can't see running around trying to get that thing to take flight! I wish I had the energy of a 7 year old!

Saturday, April 19, 2008

Voluptuous

I've been thinking a lot about my body lately...hello, everyday, it consumes me --weight loss, food, what part of my body looks fat, etc., and obviously since we started this blog, even more. I love this word, voluptuous. It is a compliment to me. So is the word curvy. But to many it's used to describe someone as overweight nowadays. Why? When did the desire to be curvy, with hips and a waist and boobs go away? 36-24-36? Weren't those the supposed "perfect" measurements that every girl wanted to attain, (although also unrealistic to most)? The word voluptuous means to be "full of sensual pleasure from form; as in voluptuous nudes." What a compliment! I just think it's interesting how much things have changed.

I don't really ever wanna be "skinny." Although, not that I don't have times I want to be, and not that there aren't so many beautiful girls who fall into that category, my sister being one. I just know for me, I can't imagine it with my big boobs, unless they left with the excess weight too, and I know I just don't want to work that hard. And for me it would be work. I love food, and I work now to be where I am, and to lose these 20 lbs. that I keep going back and forth with. Technically I've got ten to go, but without being able to do anything exercise wise, it's not the body I want, it's not what I had when I weighed this before, but was also able to work out. I want my muscle tone back. I'd like to have some firmness back to my flabby arms. My girlfriends told me one day that I have this certain "swing" in my walk, and wanted to know how I do it...I told them it was the fat on my thighs rubbing together, and I was shocked that not everyone had it! And then sad. :) But oh well, that's me. And those are things I have to learn to accept. And so when someone says the words curvy or voluptuous, I always am trying to think, is that a compliment or a cut? But I guess whatever the person intends it to be, it doesn't matter, because that is me. They may not like it, but I do, and I think it's good.

But lately, when I see people, they have all noticed that I've lost weight. And I eat it up. I love it! And then I go into panic mode in my head, "wow, was I that fat before?" "Had I gained that much weight?" "Should I be even thinner? Maybe 20lbs isn't enough. Maybe even at my thinnest I was still too fat." Such a roller coaster. So hard to be happy with myself, and not worry what other people think is right. I need to feel right, and like myself. I'm working on it. I know what I want...for now. :)

Friday, April 18, 2008

Check Out This Diet


Goodbye To Diets

So I've been thinking over the last day or so if I should stick to low carb or just start eating healthy without being so rigid on the no carb thing. The reason I picked low carb was because I've done it before and got results. My dad and I did it together when Dr. Adkins first hit the scene and I lost about 10 pounds or so which at the time was all I needed to loose. (Oh to be young again!) I just learned recently that I have polycystic ovarian syndrome. My husband and I are not having any luck in getting pregnant so I've been going to a fertility doctor. She diagnosed me a few months ago. ANYWAYS...she told me the best diet for me to be on is something with a low carb theme so I picked the Atkins. But talking to Fatty Patty the other night on the phone she made me realize that I'm just pretending I'm on that diet. She said, "sneaking behind your Aunt to eat a cookie is not being on a low carb diet!" and she's right! By eating all that meat and cheese and then sneaking in a sweet between I'm not doing my body good at all! That's no diet! I'm not going to use the word diet anymore! So she has convinced me to eat healthy...what that means I'm not sure! But looking at her accomplishments in weight loss I really should go by her advice (after all she is my primary care physician to begin with!!). So I am sending her my grocery list to revise today! This way me and Ryan can both start eating the same way...HEALTHY!

I will say that over the last 5 days eating foods lower in carbs has given me more energy! Usually when my alarm goes off at 5 a.m. I get out of bed and make a B-line for the couch and fall back to sleep until about 6a.m. It's become my morning ritual. Even my little yorkie ,Wizzy is in the habit! But the last couple of days I get back on the couch and seem to not be able to drift back off to sleep as fast. Not that I don't go back to sleep at all...oh no...the sleep does come but not as easy. I also seem to have more energy in the evenings! This is great! Now maybe when I get home from work I'll be able to get in that exercise I so desperately need!

Anyways...still in the same size clothes...not loosing any weight but I feel better so that's a start!

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Staying Busy


Well, this entry should be short and sweet, so you can all breathe a collective sigh of relief. ;)


This day beat me up, as far as pain. It was my first real outing, since surgery, other than getting my hair done last week, and I can see I have a long way to go for rehab, and being the old me. My first two weeks were so good, but these last two, the pain is worse. Had I known it was gonna go this way, I would never have even accepted this gig, but I just assumed that if at 2 weeks I felt that good, surely at 6 I would only be better. Wrong. Oh well. It will get better eventually, I know.

I did eat well today, though, because I had rehearsal, so it kept me busy, and there was no time to think too much about food, or to even have time to eat, and definitely no snacking mindlessly today. For me, it's a benefit to be a little busy for the day, as long as you can reach for something healthy to eat. I started my day with the quinoa combo I made yesterday. And I had one of my new favorites - I'm seriously addicted to the Fiber One oat chewy bars! 9 grams of fiber to each bar, and they are sinfully delicious! I'm in love with the Oats & Peanut Butter flavor. But they are so good, I could eat the whole box, fall into a coma from too much sugar, and still awake wanting another box. So these will definitely have to be treated as a treat, especially since they do have high fructose corn syrup, but man, I love them! I already love the original Fiber One cereal, the one that looks like twigs and has no sugar, so I can always still have that. But for me, especially when on so much medication, getting in fiber is a goal I really try to reach.

And again, we see another reason I struggle with my weight - the excitement I just exuded for a small bar of oats and what not, has brought serious joy to my life, and I used the words "IN LOVE" with said food. Pathetic. LOL


See the twigs in the bowl? Delightful with a banana! :)

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

The Click In Your head

I gotta start off by saying that I love the Biggest Loser. I end up crying at it every time. I know the experience of losing a lot of weight, and the emotional roller coaster it sends you on. And every time I watch the show, I feel for those people. And it puts me back to those two years of my own that it took me to lose my weight. What a thrill it was, and at the same time I had lots of days, where I went to plateaus and thought "is this it, can I do anymore?" These people on Biggest Loser are doing it much faster, and have help with an incentive of money at the end, but they're all there, too, because they know they need ot lose weight, and they hope this will kick them in the butt to start really doing it. If only we could all have such a great incentive. But still, these guys WANT it.

These people go there and they are fast food junkies, and soda freaks, and hate vegetables, and have never heard of foods like quinoa, and hate eating fish, etc. Things that all of us can relate to. But the thing is, they know those are the things that made them heavy, and unhealthy, and they're willing to face the fact that they have to change those bad habits if they wanna change their body, and change their life. And that's the ticket here. You have to realize and WANT to change your life!
You can't whine and boo hoo how you'll never eat fish, and veggies just gross you out, and exercise is too hard to fit into your life.

Everytime I watch this show I'm reminded of the things I changed, and still need to change, to keep my accomplishment, and also the things I've let slip that allowed 20 lbs. to come back on. People then and now, who know my story of being very heavy to now, always ask me what did I do, what diet did I do, what food did I eat, and what exercise routine. And here's what I've ALWAYS said: It's not what diet I did and what work out routine I picked, it's what clicked in my head. I spent my whole life saying I was going to lose weight and work out and be fit "starting this Monday." And yet at 25, none of them had stuck, I was still incredibly overweight. Because nothing changed in my head, in my mentality. But finally, things started happening, and something clicked in my head. I had back problems, I feared a heart attack every night, I hated my marriage, I hated being the fat girl, I hated feeling I wasn't worth a better partner in life who respected me because I felt I got the best I could because I was fat, and I hated feeling out of control on my weight. I hated feeling like I had to be so controlling everywhere else, and feeling like I had to prove myself all the time because I was fat. And I knew the weight was holding me back from the confidence I needed to figure out the rest of me. I used it to hide, and I needed to quit hiding. Something in my head clicked!

So I guess my point here is that, no matter what diet you choose, what activities you choose, it has to be because you want it. You have to realize you need to change your life, not just your body. Choices have to change, your outlook has to change, your ideas have to change. And I lose sight of that a lot, especially since dealing with my back. It was so easy to use it as my crutch, and say it's why I can't exercse, and then get into the vicious circle of eating bad because I can't work out anyway, and I'm depressed and in pain, etc, etc, blah, blah, blah.

Okay, that's it. Enough being serious. But sometimes I need to be. That's who I am. And if you skip my blogs because of that, oh well. This is for me.










How Bout Those Girl Scouts

As you can see by my picture I am going to blame my eating last night on the Girl Scouts! Let me start off my saying I have nothing against any one girl scout in particular...I think the Girl Scouts as an organization is a great place for girls to learn to be leaders, or whatever it is they promote to teach, but those dang cookies are going to kill me! Michelle I blame YOU for this! I'm sure it was YOUR little girl scout that sold all those cookies to mom. (Hi Kennedy...love you...do good in school) Stink'n girl scouts!

So last night, I'm at this PartyLite party and I make my way over to the food table. There was fruit...no big deal, I can handle that...hamburger cheese dip...ok, low carb no big deal...OMG then I saw them...LEMONADES! About a month ago I bought a box of these from a co-worker (thanks a lot Jan) and within about 2 hours I had already eaten one sleeve of them. They are probably my favorite cookie besides the Maple cookies from the Dollar Tree!!!! Anyways...I'll stop beating around the bush and come clean. I ate some Lemonades. How many you ask? Well that's between me and the ladies (and gents) at that party! Also, I stole a Thin Mint from Michelle while she wasn't looking....then I snuck in the kitchen and hid behind Aunt Lori and had a cupcake. Ugh...I'm a pig!

So today is a new day. I've got my first water bottle sitting on my desk (I'll probably spill that shortly) and my snacks and lunch are in the fridge! I've brought celery again but today I cut them up into bite sized chunks so as not to have the strings gagging me! Lunch is a few pieces of cheese and some low fat meat product. Dinner tonight is grilled fish, courtesy of my husband Ryan, and some veggies mixed with Quinoa. Fatty Patty blogged about Quinoa in the previous post and I have promised her I would try it!

Restlesshousewife, thanks for your suggestion of stuffed bell peppers. Fatty is trying that today I think. I'm not sure if I can handle the taste of bell peppers so large and on my plate. It's one thing if they are mixed into something deep fried (haha) but when you have to cut into one and eat it...you do eat it right? See O...this is why we need to live closer to each other!

Until next time...

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

What day is it anyway?

I wrote earlier, but removed it because, frankly, it was B O R I N G . You know why? Because my life is boring. So I actually am not promising this one will not be, just decided to redo it. This pain thing and not being able to drive is wearing on me. I did spend today getting some stuff done for my upcoming gig because I have practice on Thursday, and there's only so much one can blame on the drugs for a lack of not knowing the words or the melody of the songs.

So, I ate pretty well today. I made this dish yesterday, that although, too salty, is really good. Marinated lean pork in chicken stock and tequila, then simmered it till tender and shreddable, and seasoned it and browned it crispy, sorta chile verde, without so much sauce, but lots of flavor, and have been eating it in a bowl topped with a little cheese, and lots of tomatoes and lettuce. Had a couple of my Carb Smart ice cream bars...LOVE those. And of course, filled the rest of my time watching the Gilmore Girls. I've had an unnatural obsession with them since they were the only thing on in the hospital at 6am, and then came home and borrowed the DVD 7 seasons from a friend...did I already tell this story on here? Oh well, ANYWAY....

Today's highlight topic is on the best grain ever...Quinoa, pronounced KEEN-WA. Mrs. ButterCream, and all those who have checked in on us...you've got to try this grain! It is a whole grain, complete protein food! Use it anytime you're craving a rice dish. My sister introduced this to me originally (she's SkinnyMinnie on here).

Roast your favorite vegetables with a little olive oil, and then add them in - think zucchini, eggplant, fresh tomatoes, etc. Grate some fresh Parmesan on top of it. YUM! You can use it to make spansh rice, rice pilaf, stir fry, in your mixture to make stuffed bell peppers, the possibilities are endless! And I am addicted! I actually crave it. And I was going to make it today with veggies and ground turkey and stuff it in a bell pepper, but I never got around to it. These new meds are kicking my butt lately, and I am losing track of the time, the hours, the days. So goal for tomorrow - Quinoa stuffed bell peppers. I'll put up a picture if I get it accomplished. Look up more recipes, though - great source is the Food Network, they seem to use it a lot, and a couple of the ideas I've made up have started from part of a show I've caught as I drift in and out of consciousness.

Lisa, I know you're scared of eating anything that is a vegetable, unless it's deep fried, in salad form, covered in dressing, or corn or a potato (BTW, anything you can make into a flour is a starch, not a veggie) :), but if you give this a chance, you may really like it. I'll even make it first for you, then teach you if you like it. But go at it with an open mind, I'm telling you , it's filling, and healthy, and YUMMY! Remember all those aisles of wonderful things at Whole Foods? I'm gonna get you knowing what those things are, and liking them! Wish we lived closer, so it could happen on a faster scale. I miss you!



2nd Verse Same As The First

Well day two is going pretty ok I guess. I had scrambled eggs again for breakfast and for lunch I had a taco salad from Casa Ole. Very low carb, except for a couple chips I snuck in...well quite a few chips actually. BUT...my usual there is a high in fat and carb blob of goodness so lay off!

Last night I made some salmon patties and fresh zucchini and squash sauteed in a little butter. Also last night...(get ready to be impressed) I made some chicken soup for tonight. I have to go to my sister-n-law's PartyLite candle party tonight so I knew I'd get home from work and grab the first thing I could get my hands on which would no doubt be bad! I'm seeing that planning ahead is a big deal.

Now...here's the deal. Tonight at this party I'm sure there is going to be some good snacks! Lord help me!!!! I will try my best to abstain but I can't promise anything! I'm suffering from sugar withdrawals as it is! This is really tough. I can already taste the chocolate chip cookies that I'm sure someone will bring...darn them! I'll let you know how low I sink ...

By the way...did I mention I'm starving?









Until tomorrow...wish me luck!

Monday, April 14, 2008

Celery...Good God...What Is It Good For?

ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! That's what!

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Let me start out by saying I had a couple scrambled eggs this morning. Very good. Not bad. Loving the eggs. So I get to work and I'm plugging away...unaware of the time because I glance at the clock and it's 12:30! Goodness it's time for lunch! Yipee! I go to the fridge and take out my little sticks of celery that have cream cheese already spread neatly on them. (Don't freak out ya'll about the cream cheese. I'm doing low carb remember?) To glance at them they look so pretty. The color green is appealing I already know I love cream cheese but one bite and my stomach is saying what the...are you kidding me? I don't understand the appeal of this stuff. First of all the taste...um...NO taste. Second...what in the name of all that is good and holy is the stringy stuff that comes off of it? YES, I've ate celery before but it's been a while and I don't remember so many strings. It makes me gag! By the time I put enough cream cheese on it to mask the flavor and texture I've defeated he purpose of eating the stuff in the first place. Maybe if I cut them up into bite size pieces it would help! I'll try that tomorrow.

Sunday, April 13, 2008

Last Day of Goofing Off!

Well since today was my last day before my new life change, I had to have my McDonalds one more time. 8:30 a.m. found me in the drive through getting my usual! Today though, I had a little strawberry jelly on my sausage bisquit!

We ate lunch at this place called Sudie's. They are famous for their catfish but seeing as how fish might be considered healthy, I ordered the deep fried shrimp! My favorite part of lunch was the salad that came before the meal! Sudie's has the BEST Thousand Island dressing! They make it fresh there. When I asked our server for an extra little bowl of dressing for my shrimp she looked at me like I was crazy...when I asked her if she could find out for me how they make it I swear she looked at me with disgust. Oh well. She didn't come back after that so if anyone out there know's how to make it PLEASE let me know!

Tonight we went to see the movie Leatherheads. So of course I had to have popcorn, chocolate in the form of a Twix bar and a diet coke!

Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of my healty life! I have decided to do a low carb sort of diet. My doctor told me that this would be the best eating plan for me. So low carb it is! I think I'll start the morning off with some scrambled eggs and then we'll go from there. I would love to post how much I weigh so that I could post updates on how much weight I've lost but there is NO WAY I'm going to do that! So ya'll will just have to trust me when I say I've lost so-n-so amount of weight!

It seems that food has become such a close friend of mine! It's always there to comfort me when I need comforting. When I'm lonely or sad it's always there to make me feel a little better even if just for the moment! I dread tomorrow because I won't have that security blanket to fall back on. No more hiding Zingers in my desk drawer. Rats!

Well I should probably go see what's in the cabinet before I go to bed. I might need to say farewell to something sweet, sugary and totally not good for me!

Until next time...

The Internet is a Wonderful Thing!




Well, since I'm on so many drugs while recovering from surgery, I'm not supposed to drive. And I feel bad continuously asking my mom to do everything for me. Poor thing, she's so tired of running all my errands, I'm sure. No, I AM sure, because they avoid my phone calls, and when I do get my parents to answer, they sort of laugh now, nervously, and say, "really, you really need that?" Which I get the hint, and say "no, not really, there's enough fat on my body that it can feed off itself for at least two weeks, I'm being selfish. I don't NEED food, I just wanted nourishment, but you're right, this isn't really an emergency, so I'll let you go."
No, my parents, especially my mother, have been awesome! And they are tired.

My sister had offered to take me grocery shopping, but I think she's having sympathy pains, because she can't seem to leave the house either to pick me up, so Butter, I took your advice and went online and ordered all my groceries from Safeway!

Here's the benefits to this option: I stuck to my list of healthy food. No wandering down the aisles and being tempted by things. No smelling the deli food beng cooked, or seeing the donuts in the bakery cases. I did order rainbow sherbet - pineapple, raspberry, and orange - but one treat is ok. Deprivation never works for me, anyway, I just end up longing for the thing I wanted, and shoving everythng else in my mouth to see if it satisfies me, which it doesn't, so then I've only overate.

Now, I know I could keep this thing going and really never leave the house again. But that seems counter-active to the reason I had this surgery...but still, just saying. The guy came in and put it all on my counter, he was very helpful. I asked him to stay, because being alone this long is hard, but he said something about other houses to go to. Whatever. Typical man.

Saturday, April 12, 2008

Thnx to Snap, Crackle, & Pop




Mrs. ButterCream...


You gave me this book as I went in to the hospital, and it was filled with special notes next to the poems that meant something to you. Today, I miss you a lot, and so I was reading thru it again, and there were two I wanted to write here for you, but then I decided it was a little too EMO, so I thought I'd just tell you how I'm easing the empty spot on my bed, where you'd be hanging out with me while I recover...

I'm filling that void with rice krispie treats :) They've done me good.

I see...



I've been told MY blogs are too wordy. Apparently I need to write a novel you should have to purchase. Fine! I'll try to be more succint, but Lisa, YOU KNOW this is how I am -- the book, the journals, my voice mails. I guess I do have a problem. I need to go eat some comfort food over this critique...do I have another box of mac-n-cheese? Wish I could drive...ho hum...

Real quick...

Why is no one joining and leaving comments, instead just calling me to say what they think? And why, if there are comments, are they only on Lisa's blogs? Do I have no friends who feel I am worth the time to comment to? Is my writing not appealing to the reader? What's the deal? My horoscope said I'd be let down today by someone I thought cared. Great!

Well...I WAS PUT IN MY PLACE, HUH!

OK Fatty, you are right. I DO need to start taking this serious! I promise I will...On Monday!
I am getting my mind in the right place...gearing it up to start my new life of eating healthy and getting exercise so to help me get ready for it, Ryan and I made a little trip to the Waffle House! Don't start yelling at me right away...you will be pleased to know that I did not clean my plate like I sometimes (most times) do! I actually left one fourth of my beautiful waffle on my plate! Now are you happy? It was really hard to do! That buttery goodness almost got the best of me!

Anyways...My mind will be ready on Monday! I realized last night as I played laser tag with 23 other people (and had the lowest score of them all) that I am ready! You are right, O, I don't want to look back on this time in my life and say, ya know... back when I was 35, had no kids and had all this time to myself, I should have been in the best shape of my life! When I'm 101 years old and can barely get out of my fancy wheel chair (I'll have every craft I can come up with hot glued to that thing) I don't want to wheel into your room at the home and say "Oh lordy, Olivia, how easy would it have been to loose 30 pounds but NO, I had to eat at every Waffle House and McDonalds in the state of Texas!" Ok...so it's time. I really do hope I get some comments from others who can inspire and offer advice! I'll be at home cleaning today and getting organized. I feel like if I can get control over some of the clutter around here then it'll be easier to take control of one more thing...my eating! That's my plan for the day anyway! I may have to work in a nap at some point!! I wish you were here Fatty Patty, to come keep me company!

Till next time...


~The Proof~

Friday, April 11, 2008

Let's Put It On The Line



Okay, we've been talking about getting ourselves on the right track and focusing on our goals, especially the one of losing weight and getting healthy for MONTHS now. If Queen Latifah can lose 5% of her body weight, so can we!

Mrs. BC, it's time to be real! Everyday can't be a "not today" day. Since we've been back together, my BFF, have we accomplished this at all? I mean put a good, serious, healthful foot forward and done something! It's time. And I know the best thing I will get out of you is to say let's start Monday, so let's compromise, and say come Monday, it's THE day. And no more of this, "well, not now because in three months I'll be going to a potluck and I know I'll eat bad, so may as well wait till after that party." NO!

Today as I pondered the contents of my fridge, and the acheivements I have said I'd like to accomplish this year, I realized I am only crippling myself...and I just had surgery to avoid that!

So I ate good today. I had an egg white omelet with a little cheese. I had my bowl of bran as my sweetie, cuz it's yum with a packet of Splenda. And I can hear you saying, "yuck." In fact I did hear you say yuck because I was on the phone with you while eating my bran twigs. But seriously, we have to make steps. Baby steps, even, but real ones.

And you can have your meals that aren't great for you, not everyday, not thrice a week (Golden Girls reference), but if you don't tell yourself they're off-limits, they not become such a calling after all. I'm going back to the days I told myself that I can have it after I eat my healthy choices, if I'm still hungry for it after. Or that if I eat that bad meal, it doesn't excuse me to allow me to eat bad the rest of the day. It's one meal, and that's ok. We all get to have those.

So if we've got this blog up, and have a purpose, let's stick to it. I mean, between the journals, THE BOOK (that all people who have ever entered our lives will pay dearly in embarrassment for their faux pas when we exploit them and publish that, names changed of course, but the story is the same), and now writing on this... we better get to accomplishing something out of it all! Because on top of that, I wanna move, and make a name for myself, somewhere, singing. So with all these pans in the fire, it's time to get cooking!

I tried on some clothes today, and I liked the way I looked in them 10 lbs thinner. It inspired me. I want these ten to stay off. I want the next ten to follow. I want to find my clavicle bones again, and I want to firm up my things, and have shapely shoulders. I want hollow cheeks, and smaller boobs.

Think of all the benefits, given all the things you've learned over the last few months, losing 10% of your body weight can help you. And then how it will inspire us to keep going. Back to the good ol' days of when we were in our Hey Days, going out, looking good, turning the trolls away, turnin heads where we went. LET'S DO IT AGAIN! Of course, things have changed...you're married, and I'm trying to swear off pigs, I can't take dating another one. But let's do it for us, and how happy we felt, and how good it made us feel to put on those cute clothes -- putting hot glue on your shirts to make them lower, and keep your bras intact, and make ruffles. And me finding something even more revealing than the last outfit, always pushing the envelope further... and leave behind part of our meals on our plates.
Ok, goal time! Yes?

Tired of McDonalds? Not Me!

Well once again it was a Mikey D's morning! Susage biscuit, hashbrown and my beloved diet coke! But today I must have REALLY been feeling hungry because I threw a cinnamon melt into the mix. And let me just say (I know we are suppose to be eating healthy and all but...) those are the tastiest little devils! Ms Patty you could throw some more butter on that and I think it would be just right for you!

Thank goodness Susan called for lunch before 8 a.m. because we all know that as I was eating my cinnanmon goodness I was wondering what I'd do for lunch! Me and Sharon met Susan and her daughter Lisa at Casa Ole'. All was good...had my usual which is a Chimichanga with queso over the top...even dropped a chip in my purse and crushed it up real good! Found it as I went to get my wallet! Note to self: learn how to eat like a lady!

Now I'm at home getting ready to settle in for a nap before Ryan comes home...must run!

Sweet dreams to me!
Until next time...

Food for Thought

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I'm posting early today. In fact, I haven't even ate anything yet. But I can say that food has lapsed around my mind several hundred times and it's only 9:38am. I've focused more on getting this up and going. I'm feeling good. I'll probably eat some cheese. I don't have much in the house by way of a meal. However, I am leery of eating cheese because my mom thinks dairy makes your boobs bigger, and the last thing I need is that! But I love cheese so! Eggs and cheese are probably my two most favorite and perfect simple foods of choice. They provide me pleasure, and not a lot of effort. Put those two together in a pan with butter, and voila! A meal. My motto in life - Butter Makes Everything Better! And there are vey few exceptions to this rule.
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Well, Mrs. Buttercream? What are you gonna eat? Or have eaten, since you're two hours ahead? I think my pain patch has killed my appetite, but it hasn't changed my habits. And that's really the sad part, right? That even though I am not hungry, that nothing sounds good, but I still wanna eat! The root of my problem, clearly. I'll come back later and update if I feel necessary.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Fatty Patty chimes in...

Well, seeing as how I am the 2nd party to this blog spot, I felt I should identify myself so as not to confuse others reading this as to who is blogging when...Miss Elle.
Now, I myself am recently recovering from a debllitating and dreadfully painful condition known to not many as Spondylilothesis (here's where I finally get to milk it! ;) ). Thanks to the modern miracles of science and the belief in my witchcraft, my spinal fusion surgery has gone quite well, and I told my wonderful Dr.'s I would not be happy unless I left that hospital 10 lbs thinner, and by golly, I did! They laughed when I said this as if that was not the purpose of their surgery and their final goal, but because they are naive to my powers, they did not realize the force of the spell I cast over all in the St. Joseph's Hospital realm, and the goal of my own personal happiness was achieved. So not only was my surgery a success, but I do believe they removed any fatty deposits around my spine that may have been weighing me down. Thank you Dr's. :)
Now, the question is, can I maintain this new weight loss and continue forth down my path of less food intake, more movement? So far, no. I do not have more movement because I am recovering. However, in the beginning stages of recovering, I did eat well. Today, however, I ate a box of macaroni and cheese, cuz it's the cheesiest. Not a healthy choice. But I am also on a new pain patch - drugs directly penetrating through my skin, will wonders never cease?! - and it says it decreases appetite, so I believe that since I read that, mind over matter, I will believe it does, and therefore not pig out. But in these times all I want is comfort food. Rainbow sherbet, sugar cereal, grilled cheese. Can I get an amen sister? You see where I'm goin here, right? But I do have a more refined palate than my soul sister, L, so I do appreciate many a healthy meal, and items. For instance, I do not request my sushi roll to be deep fried.
I feel I've been given a new lease on life, and I don't want to waste any more of it. I used to jog and workout with weights, and I LOVED my body then. Of course I didn't know I loved it then, until I realized how much I hate it now. Back then I complained too. What a waste of time! The self-hatred I feel for it now is way too often. So now that my back eventually should not prevent me from doing things that can help make it prettier, I hope I can keep up my attitude to use my body for the better. That's why we're doing this. So I can look back to this page specifically, and remember what I felt and what I wanted to do! My good friend Amber put it to me great one day while we were on a cruise together and I was stressing about being seen in a bathing suit...she said,"Fatty, you're beautiful. And this is what you've got and this is what I've got. Someday we'll be 65, or 85, and think back to how much of our youth we wasted worrying over things we no longer even care about. I don't wanna be 80 thnking I wish I had done certain things, but my self-consciousness kept me from enjoying life at that moment." She's right. Here's to every girl who is beautiful. And really we all are...except for three that I hate.

FOR THE LOVE OF ZINGERS




Thank God Olivia came up with this idea for us to blog about our weight issues because just TODAY I had one of those moments where you stop for a second and say, "OMG, Lisa you are so disgusting!" Let me share, will you?

I like to try and wake up early enough to fix myself a sensible breakfast (hahahahaha) before I go to work but some mornings (most mornings) I rush out the door and right into the drive through at McDonald's! I do love their sausage biscuit and hashbrown $1 deal which is what I get every time along with a diet coke of course! ANYWAYS...so today I make it to the office, unlock the front door and meet Tina in the lobby. She and I share a love of chocolate Zingers which occasionally appear in the vending machine! Today she is waving that blessed package in front of me and I can't resist. I go to my office, sit my McDonald's on the desk and make a B-line for the vending machine. It looked so lovely there on the bottom row. F5 I believe. So I walk back to my office with the package at my side, hoping no one can see, slip it in the top drawer of my desk and tell myself I'll forget about it till later. Well about 5 seconds after I've finished my breakfast the Zingers start calling out to me. I try to ignore it but the faint call is too strong. I make it till about 10 a.m. but can stand it no longer! I tore open the package and for as long as it took to eat all three bars (10 seconds) I'm in heaven! Smacking my lips I put the wrapper in the trash and continue working. About an hour later I'm in the ladies room and as I struggle to zip up my pants a Zinger crumb of beautiful brown falls out of my shirt! WHAT! You've got to be kidding me. Was I that much of a pig that crumbs were flying while I ate. GROSS! I could of at least slowed down and ate it with some dignity but no...I did not. Pig!!!!

Over the last 3 years I have gained 40 pounds. I have to do something about this. I want to slim down at least 30 pounds over this next year. I really hope that others will read my progress and be inspired or at least amused. My goal in sharing this story and others like this (because I know there'll be more) is to be able to take a look at what and why I am eating the way I am...maybe get some feedback and advice from others. If I write all this down then maybe I'll be accountable to you. Please stop back by and check in. I'd love to hear from you ladies and gents...help me help myself. I'm excited and a little nervous about sharing what I normally hide! Hopefully I won't be judged too harshly for my eating habits.

By the way...I just scrathed my back and noticed my rolls have now extended to the far corners of my back. That's nice.
Till next time...