Feeling Proud

Last night and today we're a test to my willpower, and I am really proud of myself for sticking to my guns, because it's the first time in a long time I have been in this situation with this person, and have been able to do it.



You ever have one of those friends, or one of those places that you automatically go into "vacation" mode...all bets off, time to loosen the restraints and just indulge? Well, when this friend comes to my house, he always ends up wanting to eat something bad, and though I say no, I wanna eat good, we always end up with junk food and bad choices. And I always tell myself, oh well, just this one time. But one time matters to my morale, and it can set me off for days, and I didn't want to get off track.



So last night on his way here, he called to ask if I wanted In-N-Out on his way over. I said no, then called back and said yes, knowing I'd smell it and just want to be eating. But I wasn't hungry, if he wasn't here I would have been going to bed in about an hour or so and not have been eating. So I thought about that and called back again and told him no, I wanted nothing and I told him those above reasons when he asked why.



So he gets here, and I think, cool, because I know myself, and I won't ask for bites of food on something like that, so I figured I was safe from temptation. I'm not really a huge In-N-Out fan anyway. But NOOOO, instead he comes with a large paper bag from the AM/PM full of crap! So I prayed he had nothing I would like. But he did try to be thoughtful, and bought me Hostess orange cupcakes, cuz he knows I like them, but I had already had a pastry earlier from my favorite bakery, so my craving for something like that had been satisfied, and I was able to say no. He already reeked of Fritos that he began eating in his car, so I was turned off from those, cuz I have a very sensitive smeller, and once I'm ruined on something, I'm ruined. But then he had Snickers, Reese's, chocolate Hostess cupcakes, and Cheetos, and Cheez-Its. Well, candy bars haven't sounded good in a while, and I'm not a Cheetos fan too much - was when I was younger...I liked them smashed on my salami sandwich that was on a sourdough roll with tons of mustard...but since then I can take 'em or leave 'em. But a weakness for me is Cheez-It's. And he helped me by telling me they were gross and bad and stale. LOL But now I had to have some, just to see! So I did. I had about 7. They weren't anything worth giving into, so I was good. The horrible chili corn Frito smell was killing me, so I over sprayed the room with air freshener, turned on a fan, and told him to get ready for beddie-by.



But one of the problems when he's here is that he always wants to eat. He constantly is thinking of things we should go get, or make, or eat, and it's always bad! And it's always tempting. And I have this guilt that he drove all the way here (a 45 minute drive) that I should try and be a pleaser, so I feel I should do something he wants because I don't go there because of my back injury. I avoid driving long periods because of pain and meds. So I wasn't in the clear yet, because since he spent the night, and had the afternoon to kill, I'd have to hold fast, and be strong come morning!



Well, we were watching Wings on TVLand at 7:30am, one of my fave shows from the '90's, and Joe ordered a BLT from Helen at the lunch counter. Immediately visions of greasy bacon danced in my head, and I could smell the fresh cut tomatoes, and torn lettuce leaves, envisioning myself applying the mayo to my perfectly toasted bread, while it's still slightly warm, making the mayo slightly become one with the bread as it oozes into the crevices of the toast, softening it. Ah, dreamy. But I said nothing, but you see why I'm weak? And he then says, "BLT sounds good." AGGHHH! No! So I say, ok, let's go to the grocery store and get the stuff cuz I have a little grocery list anyway, and I could use his help to get some of the heavier items. And we must leave soon, so that I can be back in time to watch Frasier. :) Can you tell I love TV too?



So we come home, and I bake the bacon, while he goes to the gym. So give him credit there, because he's gonna hate that I'm writing all this about him. He could have given up the gym, like most would with the attitude of, why, when I'm eating bad? So points for that...and I'm not mentioning any names, and none of our outside readers will have any idea who I'm talking about.



So bacon cooked, and it smells yum. The benefit of it being done in the oven is it tastes like it was fried in a pan, but you don't have to watch over it, and it doesn't make your house smell as bad (again, important for me). And he makes his sandwich and asks if I'm gonna have one, but I decided in my head instead, that I would have one piece to satisfy my craving, and have two slices of swiss cheese, one regular, one baby, to see which I liked better. This filled me up enough and like I said, took away my bacon craving. Which was good, cuz he went down to make himself another half of a sandwich and ate ALL THE BACON! Hello? Did I say I was never going to have a sandwich? No, I said not right now. Thanks for thinking of me. Henny Penny cooks, but gets none of her work?! But he saved me. Because he now had eaten an entire pound of bacon, minus my one piece. I felt good.



But I thought I'd still want a sandwich, so I did make more. But thankfully my meds kicked in, and I was getting really sleepy. I put it in the oven, and he had to check on it for me when the timer went off, and it wasn't quite done. So it went back in, and then all I did was turn the oven off, so I could take a nap. But I left it in there on the plate, and it burned a little too much for my liking from the heat of the oven as it was cooling... sooooo, saved again. Those are signs! I'm doing good, and it's not worth derailing it! So yay for me! I feel proud. I resisted. And even though it was just this once, it made me feel like I did before, when I would say no, and stick to my better choices while he didn't, and I could feel ok, and not talk about how sick I felt after, and why'd I eat all that, and all his other crazy sayings that grate on my last nerve about him being fat. And you know what sayings I'm referring to, Mrs. BC. You've been there for those episodes. They have not changed.



Now I could post pictures of us, but I will save his identity. Because I do understand that for some reason when he's with me, he eats like a pig. I bring it out in him for some reason. I bring it out in all men...only I guess that since he's gay, I bring out in the true terms of eating for him, and in the straight guys, I bring out their Pig-like attitudes.




There so cute...at first.