Saturday, June 7, 2008

Just Me...Complaining About My Weight Again...

So the saddest thing I've ever seen happened at lunch the other day. Me and my co-workers, Laura and Vinnie, where at a little Italian place called Antonio's. I was stuffing my face with bread (melt in your mouth) and oil while waiting for my entree when this group of ladies walked in. There was about 8 or 9 of them and they sat at the table right across from us. The last lady to walk in had to be the biggest person I'd ever seen in real life. I felt so bad for her. It must be hard just getting around for her. It must be a challenge just getting up every day to face the world. they all took their seats, she was the last to sit down. The second she fully rested her weight in her chair it just crumbled out from under her. She not only fell but fell on her stomach...flat out on the floor. No one from her table got up to help her but two men from the closest table to them immediately jumped up to help. The whole place went silent. It would have been bad enough if it would have been a person of normal size but she was so heavy. I wanted to cry for her. I wanted to go throw my arms around her and tell her I was so sorry that had happened to her. It took her what seemed like forever to get up. She couldn't bend her legs so it was very hard to maneuver up. If it would have been me I would have walked right out and not even ate there. But she graciously got in her new chair and thanked the men who had helped her with a smile on her face. Gosh I really felt so bad for her. After that happened it was harder for me to eat my lunch. (Notice I said harder...not impossible) I told myself then and there that I was going to get more serious about my weight and health. But as I sit here now trying to pick the popcorn kernel out of my teeth from the movie this afternoon I'm wondering why I can't commit to loosing weight. Fatty Patty tells me it's because it hasn't clicked. I guess it hasn't because I'm still eating bad. I'm sure I've gained back the 5 pounds I'd lost and maybe even a couple more.

So I've been thinking that what I need is a change. Some new people to interact with on a daily basis and what do ya know...I get a department change at work which places me temporarily at our corporate office downtown. Where I'm at now it really doesn't matter what you wear. Jeans and a T-shirt is fine or whatever you feel like wearing. Downtown is very differnt though with everyone wearing their corporate best. So I've been going through my closet today trying on all my dress clothes that I USE to be able to wear. I can't believe what all I've grown out of. Some beautiful clothes that I can't even get buttoned! I had to go out and buy new clothes just to have enough stuff to wear this next week. Ugh...I can't describe the feelings of self loathing I have right now. I almost hate myself for the careless way I've behaved with my eating. But when I think about cutting out all the bad foods I love I get depressed. What will make me happy now? Oh curse those Zingers and Ding Dongs! Curse Flaming Wok, Gringo's and a million curses to Whataburger!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hope you all go out of business! (Well maybe not Whataburger) Why can't I just stick to this? WHY CAN'T I DO THIS???????????????
By the way...this is how I feel trying to fit into all my clothes that are too small. Cry on girl...I feel ya!